Invite a Super Hero to Tea!

So, you’ve become a little more familiar with your inner critter, or perhaps you were already well aware of their presence, and now you’ve named them. You’re learning to recognise them as a whip-flicking fear driven dictator in your head, and you’re becoming aware of their ability to stop you in your tracks, and suck the enjoyment out of things.

What can we cultivate instead?

Those critters unsurprisingly get a bad rap. They do serve a purpose though, at the very least of the matter they’re an indicator in us. When their voice starts booming and their messages start crowding us, we know there’s fear in the ether and that maybe we’re feeling a little vulnerable and need to check into something else so we can move forward instead of stagnating.

So, what’s the opposite of a critter?

A SUPER HERO?

What would your super hero say that is (probably) the exact opposite your critter would say?
What are her or his qualities? What do they look like?
What if your very own mini super hero was made up of the following?

Pro YOU

A huge believer in your abilities

A cheerleader for purpose driven actions that catapult you forward

All for gentleness, excitement and passion

A magnet for everything you truly desire in your life

Full of helpful alternatives to what your critter has to say

(Critter: It’s all been said or done before, don’t even bother!
Super Hero: It’s never been said or done in YOUR voice honey!)

Just a tiny little super power house of love and attention to your needs

A secret power unique to you

What else? Let your imagination go wild.

Want one? I do!

Issue that Invitation!

Play with that this week and see how things shift. Your critter might (will!) have something to say about that, hear them out, thank them, and then ask your super hero to join you for tea, and see what they have to say!

When we’re so tuned into one station, it can feel like a stretch turning the dial to something new. That’s ok. Just keep your curiosity hat on and keep asking yourself, what’s the alternative here? What would I do this week if fear was not a factor? Who could I be if I listened to my super hero?

I’m going to have to say it…”To Infinity and Beyond!”

An Introduction to Your Inner Critter

You know that little (booming?) voice inside you that has a ton to say on a daily basis? The one that tells you stuff like;

“You’re not good enough”

“You’ll never amount to anything”

“You’re too fat/too thin/too ugly”

“You should feel guilty”

“What if you fail?”

*insert your own comment/s here*

Meet your inner critter. Those words, that’s their voice.

What’s on your critter’s playlist?

Recognition

Think back to something you wanted to do, something you really felt excited about, a new idea or goal that suddenly made the future look a bit rosier. What ‘doubts’ soon followed suit? Did they slow you down, or stop you moving at all? Whose voice was that?

Starting my own business has been the ideal stomping ground for mine (her name is Zelda btw – yes darling, you get a mention), because of course with any new venture there is always risk involved on a personal level. It can be a vulnerable place to dwell, and vulnerability, although a very sweet, rich place to be, if you allow yourself, doesn’t necessarily feel all too comfortable for most of us. And certainly not to Zelda – quite frankly that is her hell.
Her favourites include – “It won’t work”, “Don’t risk failing”, “You’re not ready”. (Read: I really just want to keep myself, and you, safe, and safety is here in the stagnant zone lady!)

An inner critter’s motivation is FEAR based

As awful as our critter can make us feel, I’ve learned through mine, that they are actually motivated by a fierce form of protectiveness towards us, that’s rooted firmly in fear. They don’t want you to buy a bicycle in-case you fall off it. They like to keep you in the same place with no forward movement or growth, because to them, that’s the safety zone. And, they get to have their say in that place. Moving away from that unsettles them and makes them feel, well, very-freaking-scared. Their position of god knows how many years of (sometimes subtle) rule, is threatened.

Their defence is to turn up the volume, LOUD. If we move and grow, where will that leave them?

It’s easy for our inner critter to drown out our real purpose driven motivations, and the truth. So how do we get a handle on the one that resides in us? We get to know them. And we do this by learning to recognise their voice, and what makes them take to their soap box.

Be in Relationship

I invite you to spend some time getting to know yours. Be aware of when the voice starts up, and when it does, lean in. If you’re a visual person you might picture what they look like, or they might just equate to a feeling. Listen to what the chatter in your head is, and when it’s something that lowers your energy, or dampens excitement or possibility, pause and ask yourself who’s voice that is. Name them and make formal introductions, and then be curious about why they’re saying what they’re saying. What’s the fear behind it?

Thank them for their comments, and then ask them to kindly quieten down.

My next post will explore cultivating an alternative to your inner critter. Until then, Zelda and I send love.

Can a Wardrobe Clear-Out Be a Spiritual Thing? Aha.

It’s that delightful time of year when everything starts waking up again and colours start painting landscapes, and everything feels alive with the possibility of warmth and sunshine and people start smiling more, because they can’t help it. (If you’re on day 10 of the rain in London, please transport your mind back to sunnier times immediately).The idea of going out sans coat, scarf, hat and any number of other things, has started flirting with me – I just want to be without stuff.

And, aligned with the Seasons, over the past few months I have been systematically culling that ‘stuff’, in more ways than one. It started off materialistically enough, with a slow and steady house clear out, and it has evolved into something else entirely. Too much shit, must de-clutter. Spring has a funny way of whispering to us all – it starts from the bare minimum and builds UP again. What if we did the same?

Layering Down so You Can Layer Up Differently

That’s not to say I plan to give our bed away, or stop lusting after pretty things. It’s more that with a de-layering of no-longer needed/used/loved material-things, something else crept in; what is it I am holding onto from then, that no longer fits, or serves a purpose, now?

My habit of worrying? Wonky boundaries? An over-idealised notion of where I should be at-this-stage-in-my-life?

What do I choose to keep, and polish, and what do I choose to say au revoir to?

There are things we outgrow, but hold onto, because they feel like such an integral part of our make-up. It’s so easy to accumulate; clothes, books, furniture, ideas, thoughts, beliefs. What if we stripped it all back and kept only what we LOVED and VALUED in relation to who we are now, and, who we’re becoming?

Where there is space, there is also huge potential for positive change. But first we’ve got to make that space.

Making Space – Some Questions to Play With:

In what area/s of your life, are you feeling cluttered?

What habits do you have that are feeling old and worn out?

Who would you be without them?

What might take their place, if anything?

What would it take to let go of them?

Once Upon a Time in the Future

I’ve noticed in the past few years, that my head has a tendency to hang out in ‘future fantasies’. I could just write ‘the future’ but these are pretty specific day-dreams and they’re also exempt from life’s challenges. So, exactly as I wish my future to be, all wrapped up in a neat little box, without me having to do anything, except imagine. Easy – I have a HUGE imagination!

I never mean to be there – it is clearly far more desirable to live in the moment. Hell, that’s certainly my aim, and I certainly don’t intend to sound, well, not-prepared-to-work-hard, because that’s not it at all… it’s more that I’ve become aware that if something feels a bit scary, or I don’t know what step to take to start making something happen, I am prone to going there, because it feels safe.

Safe because these things are going to happen one day and they are protected from reality, by remaining in the future.

For example, after many (many) years of saying we would, my man and I are planning our move back to Africa. Now, a large part of my vision for this new chapter in our lives, is that I work from home, I have enough Vitamin D, and I’m in service, working my purpose, during the hours I choose (ok, and my hair is thicker and my clothes are better!) Awesome, nothing wrong with some positive visualization, and, I’m a believer that this will be so– well, maybe not the hair, unless I get extensions, but the rest is do-able – provided the doing is happening, right now in the present and the foundations are being laid.

Closing the gap

The bridge between today and our future fantasies becoming our lives are the steps that needs stepping towards them and the many after that (until the stepping turns to walking and the walking turns to running). My bridge is of the swinging variety – a little wobbly. You can see what you want, on the other side but the ground you’re standing on is solid and the bridge is not. You test the first rung, gingerly to see if it can hold your weight, but it doesn’t feel as certain even if you want it more, and it can be very tempting to pull your foot back to stable ground, and watch the other side a while longer, instead of continuing forward to close the gap. Limbo can become a very comfortable state of being.

When I was a Fearless Child

I loved those swinging bridges. They were exhilarating. You automatically trusted they would hold you, and you had no doubt you’d get to the other side, even if you were skipping your way across and the bridge was bouncing all over the place.

I’m trying to channel that child, but the truth is nowadays it’s more a case of taking one step at a time, and then holding on for dear life to get my balance again before moving forward again. And that’s ok, so long as there’s forward movement taking place.

What’s on the other side of your bridge, and what’s one step you can take today towards that, today?

P.S. I still let myself indulge a little in those future fantasies, because they do in their own way give me fuel. But, I know they have to partner with my proverbial feet, so now they just don’t get as much air time. Also, here’s what I’ve been learning; reality does blow the fantasy up in many ways, but in cool ways. It doesn’t destroy our genuine desires and it doesn’t stamp out our (wild) imaginations. Phew.

All or Nothing

You decide you’re going to quit something. You set a date, you get yourself into the right mind-set, and you even find the apprehensiveness shifting gear into excitement and cannot wait for the day to arrive. It lands and you are halfway through it when you suddenly want exactly what it was you were determined not to have, badly, and right now. Move out of the way people!

In a matter of a few minutes you go from empowered-master-of-your-own-destiny to victim of this terrible fate that has befallen you. Dramatic language, but it feels like that, because suddenly you’re consumed by it.

A few months’ ago, I started to quit smoking. Now I realise that the word ‘quit’ generally implies that you stop doing something altogether, and that ‘started to’ is an odd preface to it, but it hasn’t felt quite that simple to me. It’s been more of a marathon than a sprint shall we say. Reflection on the process made me realise something; a shift in what would have been my typical behaviour gave me access to something new. The place between all and nothing.

The Middle Ground

The elusive middle ground – a place I am not normally a resident (because, quite frankly, it’s messy there). Ordinarily, if I were applying my usual all or nothing ways on this situation, I’d by now be fully committed to being a smoker again. Yes, there have been slip-ups. In the past, relapsing and smoking one cigarette during a quit attempt would mean I was immediately all-in being a smoker again. In the world of all or nothing, a mistake is synonymous with failure and it would often take me a very long while to try and quit again, quelle surprise.

I started becoming aware of just how many areas we  apply ‘all or nothing’ to:

“I won’t be able to exercise for the rest of the week anyway so I may as well skip tonight too and start next week.” (Ahem: guilty!)

“There’s no point starting this now because I won’t have time to finish it.”

“I have so much sugar in the house, the sooner I eat it all the better. Then I will go sugar free.”

Very black & white, and very clean. The colour is in the messy middle ground.

The Tools

In the past, no matter what method I tried in order to stop smoking, I always relied mostly on one simple fact. That I had made a decision and that I would stick to it. Job done, no further thought required. I was always so surprised when that didn’t work. The decision was always conscious, but the rest I just expected to happen, unconsciously.

So what happens when we make a shift and a commitment to being conscious throughout a process?

When we support ourselves through something in a gentle (often unrefined) manner, rather than applying all or nothing black & whiteness to things, we play in a colourful environment conducive to learning and awareness. And if we are able to learn what our triggers are, and stay in tune to what motivated us in the first place, we are better able to create something that works with us, rather than against us.

I think that IS the middle ground. Now just to get comfortable with not having everything neatly wrapped up.

So, I invite you, when you notice yourself going all “all or nothing” on yourself, pause, and consider what the middle ground would be.

If you’re trying to stop (or start) doing something and you face plant, forgive yourself and get re-tuned to your initial motivation.

Start something even if you won’t have time to perfect it right now.

Go for a jog or take yourself off to the gym, even if you won’t have time to go again until next week.

Most importantly, maintain your sense of humour and be gentle with yourself.